Shout out to the moms and dads (and grandparents) of multiples! We haven’t forgotten about you and your sheer amazingness. You make the rest of us look like amateurs and because of that, you deserve a special post that addresses the specific challenges of multiple babies and sleep!
While twins can mirror each other in so many deliciously cute and cuddly ways, sleep may not always be one of them. Twin A might have already learned to soothe himself to sleep very quickly and easily, while Twin B really struggles to fall asleep and stay asleep for long stretches. Twin A might take long, beautiful naps while Twin B is a chronic cat napper, who seems to wake up before you can even sit down. Twin A might wake up several times a night, while Twin B could sleep through an actual hurricane. The fact is, that no 2 (or 3 or 4) babies are the same where sleep is concerned. Therefore, your approach to getting them to sleep usually cannot be the same.
When I am working with a family of multiples, I am looking closely at more than just their current sleep challenges. I spend a good deal of time analyzing their diet, their growth rate, their sleep environment and their adjusted developmental age because these factors all play an important part in the total sleep equation. And it’s not a one size fits all solution. But here’s what I’ve discovered… Multiples are adaptable and resilient little people – because they’ve had to be! Which is very good news for everyone because they’ve got grit, and they are usually some of my best sleepers. Still, finding their individual "sweet spots" can be tricky. Which is why I've put together 10 tried and true sleep tips that you can begin using today to help your family get a few extra winks...
1. WHITE NOISE
If there is one thing that will make the biggest impact, it is without a doubt White Noise. Not only has it been shown to reduce stress levels in children of all ages, it also works really well to block out other sounds that may interrupt their sleep. While I usually suggest white noise to block out unwanted environmental noise outside of the nursery, in the case of multiples we’re also trying to block out noises inside the nursery as well.
White noise is a super effective tool to help Baby A sleep through Baby B’s noises and vice versa. An even more effective strategy is to use double white noise in baby’s room (for example, white noise and a loud fan). The key is to place one type of white noise in the middle of the room, between the babies, and one against the bedroom wall that’s adjacent to the rest of your house and is typically where environmental noises are coming from. This helps to muffle noises inside and outside the nursery and helps babies to sleep peacefully during the day and during the night.
2. START THEM WHERE YOU WANT THEM TO BE EVENTUALLY
I think almost all of us envision twins sharing a sleep space for a period of time because it makes sense, right? They have shared womb space up until now and so it’s logical that they continue to do so outside the womb. That is until one baby isn’t sleeping as well as the other. Many times, the parents who contact me for help will tell me that they have resorted to putting babies to sleep in separate rooms so that one doesn’t wake the other.
When you begin to sleep train them (any time after 16 weeks adjusted), you can absolutely keep them apart for the first few nights while they are mastering their new sleep skills, but if they are going to be sleeping in the same room eventually, it’s best to let them learn how to acclimate to each other’s noises right off the bat. It also eliminates having to go through another transition later on down the road. If it’s taking Twin A longer to get the hang of naps than Twin B, it’s also fine to separate them during the day and let them share sleep space at night. It’s totally your call and you should do whatever works best for your family and your living space. What’s important is making sure you start in the same place you want to end up.
3. TAKE NOTES
I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember squat if it is not written down! And when we’re talking about sleep training, creating a sleep log is super important. It’s just too much to remember! So a spreadsheet, a journal, the notes app on your phone… whatever is easiest, use it. Especially once you decide to make sleep a priority and really focus on establishing healthy sleep habits for your babies, keeping a sleep log is of utmost importance. Not only will this help you to keep an eye on your progress and the patterns that are emerging, it highlights the areas that might need to be tweaked, in order to help you stay on track. Some of the things I recommend families include in their logs are:
- Morning wake up time
- All feedings (breast/bottle/solids)
- When babies are put down for naps, how long they slept, what time they woke up
- When the bedtime routine started
- When babies are put down for bedtime and when they fell asleep
- Any nighttime wake-ups, feedings, sleep-cries
4. KEEP BABIES ON A SCHEDULE
We tend to think that we should never, ever, for any reason wake a sleeping baby. And for the most part, I would wholeheartedly agree! But in the case of multiples, and for the purposes of YOUR SANITY, it is sometimes necessary to wake one baby in order to develop a more predictable schedule for both. When I begin working with families of multiples and I recommend waking babies within 15 minutes of each other, there’s at least one parent who thinks I’m nuts. WHY would we end a perfectly good nap when we all know how precious they are?! I know it sounds crazy but hear me out… There is more than one goal during the sleep training process. Yes, we want the babies to become independent sleepers. Yes, we want them to take really great naps. Yes, we are temporarily short-changing one baby. But we need to look at the big picture and our ultimate goal – which is for BOTH babies to master their own sleep skills and sleep at predictable times of the day. So if Baby A wakes at 7:00 am, we want to wake Baby B at 7:15 am. If Baby A takes a 30-minute catnap, we need to wake Baby B at the 45-minute mark. If we do this consistently, most multiples will end up syncing their daytime schedules and that keeps their bedtime schedules on track. So, in the long run, it’s worth it.
5. FEED TOGETHER, THEN APART
During the first few months, when babies need to be eating frequently throughout the night, it makes sense to feed them at the same time, so mom and dad are able to get some sleep in between. But once babies are a bit older and are able to go longer stretches, it’s important that we give them the opportunity to sleep through without waking them to eat. This usually depends on their adjusted age and weight, but what it boils down to is that we are only feeding when they are waking on their own and are ready to eat. That may look different for each baby. One might have developed a personal best of a three hour stretch, and the other may be able to sleep for four or five hours. This is super common and once your pediatrician gives you the green light to begin formal sleep training (about 16 weeks adjusted age) they will be able to go longer stretches and naturally drop their nighttime feeds all together when they’re ready..
6. SLEEP TRAINING
I mean, obviously, as a certified sleep consultant, I am a BIG believer in the many, many benefits of independent sleep skills. And in the case of families with multiple babies, I couldn’t recommend it more, because schedules are your jam. But I know that there is also a stigma attached to the words "Sleep Training" that makes us all cringe while envisioning long, dreadful hours of babies left to cry on their own, while we are in another room - very possibly crying ourselves - and feeling terribly guilty for putting our children through such a traumatic experience. So, I want to take just a minute to reassure you…
Sleep Training does NOT = Cry It Out. Or at least it doesn’t have to. There are many gentle approaches that we use with young babies and older children alike to help them learn to sleep independently. While it’s true that it can be more challenging to sleep train two babies, it is absolutely possible. Yes, it may take a bit longer to come together. Yes, the gentler methods are a bit trickier when there are two babies to consider. But like I said earlier, my twin babies are often my best sleeping babies. Parents are usually quite motivated because they are running out of steam and do not have the energy – or patience – to continue to deal with two sets of sleep issues. They are also much more aware of the need for a dependable sleep schedule and they understand the importance of healthy sleep for everyone in the house!
If you have reached the 16 weeks (adjusted) mark and things are not going the way you’d hoped, don’t be afraid to make a change. If you’re nervous about implementing changes on your own – please reach out! I am here for you and I PROMISE - the positive effects that your family will experience from sleep coaching and babies who are sleeping well are worth it!
7. IDENTIFY THE SENSITIVE SLEEPER
There always seems to be one twin who is a bit more… finicky. One who doesn’t go down without a bit of a “fight”. You may have even jokingly referred to this twin as the “Diva” or the “Drama King”. As you’re reading this, you already know which one we’re talking about, don’t you? I can usually pick them out pretty quickly, just by the information you provide on your intake questionnaire. Once we have identified who is the more sensitive sleeper, we do our best to stick to their “schedule”. But what exactly does that mean? We don’t always realize it, but babies are time sensitive. Especially younger babies. And even a 15-minute variance can make or break a nap or bedtime. Putting them down 15 minutes early can result in 30-minutes or more of fussing, playing, talking… anything besides sleeping. And putting them down 15-minutes too late can result in lots of protesting, crying and eventually, "hey-lady-I-really-mean-business-screaming".
OK, so we understand that timing matters and that we want to keep the babies sleep/awake times within 15 minutes of one another. But what does that look like? How do we figure out what the day should look like? Let’s say we’ve got twin babies who are 6 months old (adjusted age). We know that they should be able to tolerate about 2 hours awake between their 1st and 2nd naps. If baby A wakes from her first nap at 10:00, we want to wake baby B at 10:15. And then their next nap will then begin at 12:15. If Baby B wakes from the second nap at 1:30, we want to wake Baby A at 1:45. And then their next nap will begin at 3:45... and so on.
8. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
The biggest difference in sleep training two babies vs. one is really just the time it takes for them both to arrive at the same level of consistency. There is really no way to guarantee exactly how long that will take. When we are sleep training one baby, the timeline usually looks something like this:
Nights 3-5: babies are usually 'sleeping through the night’.
Day 7: babies are falling asleep within 20-30 minutes, with some combination of fussing, babbling and short bursts of soft cries.
Day 10: babies are progressing towards longer naps, even though this may not yet be consistent.
Weeks 2-4: Babies are now taking naps more consistently - consistently meaning that for the most part they are the same day to day. For example, nap 1 is roughly the same length every day, nap 2 is consistently about an hour shorter than nap 1, and nap 3 is consistently the shortest nap of the day. Keep in mind that naps are hard and they are always the last piece of the puzzle to come together for every baby and it is totally normal for nap lengths to vary a little bit from day to day.
In the case of twins… It’s realistic to multiply this by 2. Nighttime can take anywhere from 5-10 nights to come together, babies may take closer to 10-14 days to begin to fall asleep easier at sleep times, longer naps may begin to develop closer to the 3 week mark, and true consistency may not materialize until 3-8 weeks.
9. ALL OTHER RULES APPLY
So many of the same sleep principles that apply to one baby also apply to twins:
- Swaddling newborns (especially the preemie twins who need to feel snug as a bug!)
- Avoiding over tiredness
- Consistent sleep routines at naps and bedtime
- Early bedtimes
- Super DARK bedroom
- Keeping feeds at least 30 minutes away from sleep
- Giving babies time to self soothe instead of rushing in too quickly
10. CALL IN A FRIENDLY SLEEP EXPERT (Hello, here I am!)
I know it can feel super overwhelming to venture outside of the safe confines of Survival Mode and fling yourself willingly into unknown territory in order to incorporate healthier habits around sleep. But it is soooo WORTH IT! Helping your little ones develop the skills they need to sleep well is a gift that you are giving to your whole family - and the best part is, it lasts a LIFETIME. I assure you - those kinds of gifts are few and far between. And if it just feels like it's too much to even consider tackling on your own, I hope you'll reach out and schedule a complimentary call with me. Helping Mamas like you is literally what I live for!
