When it comes to making the transition from a crib to a big-kid bed, there are two questions that need to be answered. The first is when, and the second is how. If you’re reading this blog, chances are that you came here looking for some advice about teaching your little one the skills they need to sleep through the night.

And if that’s the case, then the answer to the question of “when” is, quite simply, “not now.”

There are two reasons for this. The first is because there is absolutely no rush to get your toddler out of their crib and into a bed. I have seen plenty of 3-year olds sleeping happily in a crib and none of the clients I’ve worked with ever told me, “ I wish we’d transitioned him to a big kid bed earlier.”

There is a theory out there that suggests the longer a child is in a crib, the more attached they grow to it, and the tougher it is for them to make the transition when they finally do, but that theory is, for lack of a better word, wrong. The second reason is that if you’re about to start sleep training, there’s going to be a period of adjustment as your toddler learns to fall asleep independently, and that’s going to take a little getting used to. During this new adventure, it’s comforting for your little one to have a familiar place to sleep. Her bedroom, her sheets, her lovie, her crib, anything that can stay the same should stay the same until she’s mastered the skills to fall asleep on her own.

I should add here, just in case you’re considering sleep training, that switching to a big kid bed is going to be a whole lot easier if your little one is already sleeping through the night. A toddler who is well rested and able to fall asleep independently is far less likely to leave their room at night, which is the single biggest issue that parents run into when they move their little ones out of the crib.

Alright, so let’s assume that either your little one is already falling asleep on their own and sleeping through the night, or that, for whatever reason, you’re in a hurry to get your toddler out of the crib and into a bed…

The easiest way to help your toddler make the switch from the crib to the bed is to be prepared for it.

Talk to your child about what’s happening. Explain to them that they’re going to be making the move into their new bed, put a date on the calendar, and let them know when the switch is going to happen. Since toddlers are notoriously black and white about things, they don’t need a lot of details but it will help them feel good about it if you can put a positive spin on it. You want to prepare your toddler for the switch, but at the same time, you don’t want to make a huge production out of it. Turning it into a monumental occasion puts a lot of pressure on your child and that can stress them out a bit.

Once you’ve made the decision to switch, let your little guy be part of the process. If you’re heading out to Target to pick the new things out, bring him along. Giving your child some input into which bed he wants, what sheets he likes, what pillows feel the most comfortable, will not only ensure that he gets something he likes, it will also help him feel a sense of ownership over his new bed, which can work wonders in easing the transition.

If you’re really adventurous, you can even let your little one help you put the new bed together (although speaking from personal experience, I might suggest that you do, you know, literally anything else if you’re looking to preserve your sanity). So now that it’s put together and the sheets are on, you’ll want to keep the bed in the same place the crib used to be.

In fact, you’ll want to keep just about everything exactly as it was in your toddler’s room except for the new bed. This is a big change, so try not to make any unnecessary additional changes. This goes double for the schedule on the night of the big event. When you’re getting your toddler ready for bed on that first night, don’t alter the routine, don’t switch up bedtime, don’t try to give her a new food at dinner. Keep everything as predictable and mundane as possible. Again, you don’t need to make a production out of it. Tell her you’re proud of her, but try to avoid statements like, “What a big girl you are now!” Toddlers are typically in a perpetual state of uncertainty about whether or not they want to do this whole “growing up” thing, and we want to keep things as low-key as we can.

So now that your toddler’s been put to bed and the light’s been turned out, there are a few different scenarios that can play out.

• Scenario 1 - They adapt immediately to their new bed and they don’t test the rules whatsoever. In this case, party like it’s 1999 . You are among the upper echelon of a very lucky minority!

• Scenario 2 - Your little one seems to adapt immediately but, after a week or two, starts leaving their room, playing with their toys, or calling for mom to come back in several times a night.

• Scenario 3 - Your toddler starts doing all of those things the very first night.

The solution to the latter two of these situations is the same. Offer a warning when your toddler demonstrates the unwanted behavior, tell them what the consequence is going to be if they do it again, and then follow through on that consequence if they repeat it.

Chances are that you’ve already discovered a consequence that works on your toddler, and I strongly suggest you keep that it place. Again, we don’t want anything to change except for the bed, so keep doing whatever you’ve been doing up until now in regard to managing behavior. In case you haven’t discovered an effective consequence yet, I find that leaving the room and closing the door all the way for a minute is pretty effective for most toddlers. For each repeat offense, increase the length of time that the door stays closed.

The best approach is to explain what’s happening, keep things light, set the expectations and enforce the rules. It’s not always going to be easy, but it is pretty straightforward.

One final thought to keep in mind... As much as we’re trying to keep this transition as stress-free and smooth as we can, remember this: You are the boss.

It’s almost a mathematical certainty that your little one is going to buck this change a little bit. She’ll probably leave her room a lot, she’ll call for you to come in, ask for a glass of water, and more than anything, say that she wants to go back to sleeping in her crib (or your bed). It’s crucial that you hold your ground every step of the way here, especially during the first few weeks. If you start bending the rules and allowing her to climb into bed with you, or letting her get back into the crib, this process is going to go on for months. So do whatever you need to do to firm up your inner resolve, maintain an air of calm authority, and enforce the rules firmly and consistently.

You may have to take on the roll of the tough guy at times, but I guarantee you, it will help your little one start sleeping peacefully in her new bed a whole lot sooner!

Need a little help with a toddler who’s having a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep? Learn more about how we can work together to make your child’s bedtimes an easy and peaceful process for everyone!